It would only take you a few seconds on my Instagram page to get the idea-I hate modern tourism.

What do you mean by modern tourism though, Ty?

Thanks for asking, let me first start with a story from the hostel in Firenze last night. Your question was important it just reminded me of a funny thing, that’s all.

So I’m sitting outside in the little front, camping gazebo-type-cover for…damn this is so painfully awkward I have no idea what that thing is called. Like a front plaza, cool? Great, let’s move on. These two tall blondes walk by me, one of each gender (just please don’t start with the gender thing right now, okay? I’m tired. Get over it). I wonder if they’re the two people in my room I hadn’t met yet. The thought is quickly pushed by my need to make more stars for tomorrow on my Google map (just wait until you see this frickin’ map come June #StarKing).

I finish (pervert) walk up the stairs and turn to room 18.

As I slowly open the door I see one of the tall blondes. It’s them! Yay! They looked Danish so I was super excited. I missed Danish people they’re so silly.

“What’s up!” I enthusiastically deliver.

“Hey!”

Damnit, they’re American. That’s fair, second best-easy to have a comfortable convo with, after all, I haven’t slept more than 2 hours in the past two days.

They were from Iowa (bummer, I know).

Conversation ensues.

I guess (they told me hours later) they were supposed to just come back to the room real quick and then head out for their second bottle of wine. He’d leave for Nijmegen and she Vienna in the morning. Poor lovers, separating once again, it’s always hard I know.

But, I exist, so instead we talked for a couple hours. She decided to start drawing the scene outside our dorm window as I was brushing my teeth. “What’s your name by the way?” she turned to me and asked.

“Tyler”

“You don’t look like a Tyler.”

“What does he look like then?” (Loosely quoted)

“I don’t know, something with a D.”

“Of all the letters, you pick D?” he says.

That was the basic convo, good times. So basically, you don’t have to call me Ty or Tyler anymore.

You can just call me D.

Back to the post! Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh, right! Modern tourism…of course.

It’s not that hard to explain, really: Selfie sticks and no sidewalk etiquette.

It sucks, and is almost as bad as working in Disney World. Actually wait no, worse because technically that’s to be expected there. They pay hundreds of dollars to get into the “city” that is the Magic or Animal Kingdom.

SHAME

So what I have ended up doing, to properly avoid constantly being with people that live from behind their phones, is find a “locals only” getaway spot in between all the traps that are capital cities in Europe.

So for example, Nijmegen in The Netherlands or Livorno in Italy. Oh, don’t forget about Saint Desirat in France! Love that place.

Anywho, it has made traveling so lovely and peaceful and tourist bearable. Where now, I don’t tut (it’s an English thing look it up) at stupid selfie loser people, I just move along to the local park where they won’t go because you can’t take cool selfies there (people wouldn’t even know where they were so it’s pointless).

All I’m saying is, if you’re like me and looking to travel soon, try it out!

Or don’t.

Whatever.