It’s hard writing these pieces because I have this idea, inspiration in my head, so defined and beautiful. Then I start typing and am reminded I’m not a writer.

I had never seen a wild donkey before. To be honest, I don’t think I knew that was a thing. I had heard wild horse before but that was in northern California, I wonder if they have donkeys there too.

The female was pregnant. Anda pointed this out to us having spent more than ten minutes just watching donkeys eat these prickly green plants with yellow flowers on them. We wondered if they liked the flowers or the prickly bits. I would have said parts instead of bits but I’ve slowly become a Brit, it’s an issue seeing as it requires me to use fewer inflections in my speech. I hate non-inflection speak. Hate is a strong word. I still hate it.

Elizabete and I named her “Doody,” well she did. I went with it, didn’t even laugh too loudly-being the Brit I am now. Or did I react differently than normal for another reason? I hadn’t planned on making this point but I’ll roll with it and see if it gets me to where I need to go. If not, I won’t delete this but merely let it sit so you can see how not deep I am.

There was something about this family, which is interesting because it was not a family in the most traditional sense. Anda and I never got to the conversation about the father, whoever and wherever he may be. Chris was not their biological father; he met Anda because of Couchsuring. Lovely actually. Yeah, I’m gonna tell the story because it’s so great.

Seven years ago Chris was living and working in Southampton and Anda was doing the same in Chichester, a cute city less than an hour outside of Southie (I will be calling Southampton Southie from here on out as a heads up). Anda was to host two cochsurfers this night but had to cancel for whatever reason and felt terrible because by the time she figured this out and told the two (Germans?) they had no other options except a hostel or hotel. Anda being the thoughtful Latvian she truly is, contacted her friend and hooked them up with another free place to stay. All was well, there would be no angry, misspelled references left and the, let’s just say Germans, could enjoy their stay in Southie. Side note, why would anyone other than Americans visit this place? So, fast forward, Anda visits her friend and the (yeah they had to be Germans) to make sure they were comfortable and to show them she wasn’t a dick who forgot she promised her mates a pub quiz night and felt that more important than honoring her hosting of, 100% Germans. For some reason unknown to me, I’ll ask Anda later, her friend (his name is Tim, I made him salmon the other night) brought Chris around. He was a veteran Couchsuring host so this had to be part of the reason (I’ll ask her don’t worry). Boy meets girl, they both wanna see about it, start dating, boy has his own place, years later invites girl to move in, then they get married and then honeymoon with the kids in Morocco (I still question this decision). Now they do laundry every week and watch the housing market until they’re ready to upgrade since English houses are way too small and typically only have one bathroom for a two floor, three bedroom layout.

I don’t want a family. I didn’t forget; we’re back. I’ve never wanted one, played with the idea over the years, have known some pretty great birds and all, but just didn’t like the idea and what it meant, because it really does mean sacrificial change whether people want to admit it to you and more importantly themselves or not. Funny enough, I was reminded of this in Southie during my stay but I still refuse to get into People Mag stuff. Moving on; kids don’t make sense to me. Skip the whole overpopulation thing and the many other chissues (child issues, like financial ones) and go straight to sacrifice. Children, even a mere child, are true sacrifice. Some of you on the other side are all, “Like um it’s hard work, sure, but like I am choosing to have a child one day and I am planning for it and I’m gonna be the best mother/father there has ever been and my child is going to grow up and do amazing things.” I get that, and am sure it is the case, go you. It’s just not for me so let’s focus on me yeah? I love doing that #MiddleChild. Yes I just did that.

I have wanderlust.

Check my track record, it’s disgusting. I don’t stay anywhere for any reason ever. Life can be peachy and I’d rather pick up, go broke doing that, and struggle to figure out what I’m doing once I get wherever there is. Oh, hey like this Europe trip ha! Go me this time (still go you for the baby thing but go me for the stupidity thing-you’ll see why in a second). I’ve always had that “it’ll catch up with me one day” feeling, but having traveled the last month and a half, I think I’ll just let it do that when it wants to and have pretty dope experiences in different countries for now.

Because when do you “settle down?”

I had a good talk this week with a guy in Hove, England. If you don’t immediately think Jay Z, you’re a very special person. We touched on pursuing dreams and when, if ever, was it time to “give up,” settle for either a job or a relationship (typically both right?). This got me thinking about my experience with the family back in Southie. Did the Latvian mother of two have any aspirations un-pursued? Did she set out to do something and did the kids interrupt that? Or, did she want kids, and what did that do to her previous and future goals? I never asked her this, but I do have a decent idea from context.

Because when a child’s funny name for a donkey leads to a smile of warm content instead of cackling laughter, maybe I do need to think about what having a child of my own would mean to me.

But then again, maybe the reason Anda pointed out the donkey was pregnant was because she, herself, was in fact with child as well but didn’t reveal this to me until days after I had left Southie.

So, basically, who the fuck really knows?

What I do know is, spending nights in the TV room singing with children instead of socializing at pubs was way more okay than I would have thought.

What is it then? Pursuit of dreams or of family? Or can you have both?

Guess their urgency for a bigger house makes more sense now.

Keep doin’ you Moore family, you’re pretty damn inspiring.